Over the summer, I went on a business trip from Orlando to North Carolina. It was a last minute trip and airfare was through the roof, trying to keep expenses down, I flew in and out of Sanford Airport, Orlando International’s neglected step-child. I had the pleasure of flying Allegiant Air, the carnival in the sky. This airline justifies and brings to life a Lampoon vacation.
The flight from Sanford to Greensboro, NC is only about an hour and twenty minutes. A perfect amount of time for me to read some work material, some magazines, and listen to some music…well at least on a regular, generic airline.
Allegiant Air is a carnival at 30,000 feet. 20 more minutes and I am sure we would have been playing Bingo. For 40 minutes of the 80 minute flight, there were 50/50 drawings, Souvenir Giveaways, and raffles for god knows what. The 4 year old sitting in 7C summed up the trip perfectly when he puked all over the aisle as we were de-boarding.
Fast Forward 3 Days. Its Friday Night, 8PM, my flight is delayed 40 minutes and I had a successful trip. So i reward myself with a 20 ounce sprite and a bag of gummy bears large enough to make teeth fall out.
Trying to stay patient with the delay, I purchase a few magazines that promise tips of summer fashion and how to properly wear a white suit. They neglect, however, to come with a warning of how gay I will look while reading said magazine.
As I am catching up on summer trends, I keep my bag of gummy bears within arms reach, on the floor next to my carry on. As I am reading about how to wear wingtips with no socks, I hear this rumbling down below. I look down at the ground and this 2 year old little boy has 2 hands in my bag of candy, shoveling gummy bears into his mouth, i look down at him and say “what are you doing???? THOSE ARE MINE”
With 4 gummy bears spewing out of his mouth with everyword, he screams back at me:
“GUMMY BEARS GUMMY BEARS GUMMY BEARS”
So there I was, waiting for a delayed flight in a subclass airport wearing $400 italian loafers, gloating about a successful business trip all the while arguing with a kid that cant spell, tie his own shoes, or much less wipe the snot from his own nose.
At that point I realized “This brat is not apologizing, he wins” and I gave him a handful of gummy bears if he promised not to cry during the flight, his mother was not amused.
