You know Chris Hansen. You and I, we will probably never see eye to eye. Friendship? Most likely not in the cards. Like foes in the recess yard, we will stare each other down until the sun sets and we are no longer able to see each other, but for the whites in our eyes. Here’s my beef Hansen, Lemonade.
I am sick of you luring these “predators” into your teenage sex cave with lemonade. What the hell did Lemonade do to you? I bet your childhood stand flopped didn’t it? No market share on Loser Ave huh, Hansen? I grew up with a love affair for lemonade, and now, when someone gives me lemonade, I add vodka, and throw a party…guess what Hansen? Your invite? lost in the mail. Cry about it.
Obviously, your teen sex show is set during the heat of summer, and most of these poor souls obviously do not have air conditioning in their cars…so, when you use my good friend, Lemonade, to lure them into the house with offers of “Free lemonade, have a glass while i put on my bathing suit” from the 14 year old prom queen who has obviously been screwing an 18 yr old senior since orientation, well sir I think that makes you a predator, against patriotism. You know what I think of when I think “lemonade”, I think 4th of july. Sure Hansen, I will drink a Cup-O-Americana, no thanks I don’t need a seat. What? The condoms and camel back backpack of KY? Standard operating procedure, Hansen, sorry for enjoying comfort and avoiding diseases.. Now excuse me, I will place this empty glass in your teen sex sink and be on my way, you freak.
Ps. I wont sign your waiver.
