We live in a pretty unbelievable world. We have clocks that wake us up, let us go back to sleep, and wake us up again in 9 minutes…there are driving ranges that tee the ball up for you. We have sent a man to the moon, there are even internet sites that play the music IT KNOWS you will like. With all of these achievements and countless others it is god damn incredible that we still have some of the advertising that we do. I would like to propose the greatest idea since Barack Obama becoming President…wait…that was a terrible idea. Scratch that. The greatest idea since Facebook created “Its Complicated” and “An Open Relationship With”!!!! We need a TV Ad for Your problems. Not mine…yours.
I am sick of your herpes commercial, by the way your next outbreak might not be for another 6 months. I am sick of your hemorrhoids commercial. I still struggle with the notion of women doing #2. As in “Honey I took out the dog, she number 1’d but didn’t number 2”. Obviously I am NOT talking about walking your wife or girlfriend, I am talking about her pooping. I am not sure they do it. What makes you think I want to hear about the growing bump inside you that makes it difficult to sit down?
Yeast Infections? Nope, don’t want to hear about it unless you are talking about a bakery—one that doesn’t produce BABIES. I am sick of hearing how much your tampon absorbs. Or do you use a pad? Well, you are in luck, because it can absorb A PITCHER OF LEMONADE. While we are at it, lets throw in Viagra and Extenzz commercials too. Don’t want to hear about your soft, and/or small package, Uncle Randy. Really Jessica Simpson? Did you have to do the Pro-Activ commercial. Your music sucks, you clearly ruled out being an intellectual gem when you couldn’t tell if it was chicken or tuna…but now? You are turning in your one redeeming quality—your skin, for an endorsement and showing me your oil ridden face while I eat dinner on the couch? Sorry it didn’t work out with John Mayer, really not that surprised. While we are on the subject, lets talk about the Adopt A Dog commercial with the Sarah McLaughlin tune. Really? Really, Sarah? Not on my TV screen. I shield my pups eyes when that comes up, and if I can’t hit mute—I ear-muff it as well.
There should be a television station that houses all of these disgusting advertisements. That way you can find a solution, and I can continue my regular scheduled programming at peace.
